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Monday, May 21, 2012

My Response to Bill Maher's attack on Liberty University

Mr. Maher...
I'm going to try to show respect to you as a human being. Respect is, of course, something you struggle with showing to anyone at all, especially those you disagree with...which is pretty much everyone. I'm sorry that you are so angry with life and I wish you could be happy. I recognize the signs. The lashing out at everyone in your sight, the feeling you are simultaneously misunderstood and the smartest man who ever lived. The way you spit bile and ridiculous, grandiose, overzealous, venomous lies at people who hold to any idea or notion or belief that disagrees with your enlightened and superior position. It has got to be a hardship being you! Only you could stand up to the pressure of being you and I salute you for that. It's hard being so full-to-overflow with hatred and anger and yet be able to not go crazy and kill everyone who resides in this terrible delusion that is "The world where people disagree with Bill Maher". It's gotta hurt!  I wonder...are you mad at everyone else being so stupid? Or are you mad that more people recognize you from your thespian abilities in "DC Cab" than from your show on subscription cable? (For the made the Barbarian Twins funnier in that movie...they owe you brah!)
I know you went to did your pal Keith Olbermann. He too, is saddled with the burden of being intellectually superior to every human being who was ever born. He too hates every single person alive on earth. Which begs the question...when you two are together in one room, do you hate each other? Or is there some sort of rotational agreement whereby you are superior to Keith on odd days and he is superior to you on the even? What do you do with the religious holidays since neither of you practice? Is there any sort of cerebral envy? Have you guys ever gotten MRI's and compared Cerebral Cortices with a side-bet of rare cognac? On the same note, is there something in the water near Cornell that makes attendees so angry with everyone and so intellectually superior? Because I'm wondering how two angry, superior guys like you and K.O. came from the same school and nobody has deduced this connection yet...or maybe it's inductive I'm thinking of. I can't delineate between the two sometimes because I went to that non-school, Liberty University. In fact I just graduated last know...when Mitt Romney was speaking.
Here's the deal Bill, I was a mortgage banker and when the industry went under I lost my home, then I lost my career, and then I couldn't even rent anymore and I was homeless. I had been a resident student at LU many years ago and I didn't finish back then. So while I was homeless and broken and sleeping in my car at night...I decided the only way to pull myself up and fix my broken life and provide for my daughter and be a productive citizen was to finish my degree. So I did...while sleeping in my car. And working humiliating odd jobs. And remaining in my daughter's life because I was always her dad. It took me six semesters to finish and for five of them I lived like this. I studied in the Library and in restaurants with wifi and after-hours at FedEx Office. I studied by flashlight in my car when the weather was freezing. I kept my books in a milk crate in my trunk and in a storage shed.
And two Saturdays ago I put on a cap and gown and walked with 7000 other graduates who were all proud of our non-school and that non-education we didn't really receive. I'm glad you went to Cornell. You guys had one of the greatest goalies ever to play hockey in Ken Dryden. So you had that going for you...which is nice. I'm glad I didn't resort to selling drugs to graduate from LU, like you claim you did at Cornell. It was hard enough being 6' 4" and sleeping in a Volvo at night...I didn't need a guilty conscience keeping me awake.
So listen, Bill...I'll promise to keep on not watching your show, like almost everyone else in America with a TV, if you'll promise not to find me and blast me with your superior-mind ray, or make me drink tap water from the Cornell water system. Maybe you should resume your collegiate drug usage. (assuming you were nice in college when you were using / selling) But then maybe you shouldn't. You've sharpened that hatred and anger to such a razor edge that you can cut everyone in the whole world (except Keith Olbermann of course) and not get any blood on yourself. That's a lost art and probably worth whatever you paid for that Cornell academia that surges through your veins.
I'd love to engage you further but I have work to do, and I'm taking some more classes for my own personal enrichment before I start my non-Masters next January from my non-school.
Best to you,
Craig Daliessio,
(Formerly homeless, Daddy, author, graduate of a non-school, non-watcher of your show)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thank you! I couldn't have said it better!